My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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