My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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