He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
