and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
