Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
