ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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