i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
