my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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