I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
