I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
