do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I need to sanitize my soul.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
