dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
