# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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