Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
