out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
