I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
