i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
