so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
