i permit you to call me
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
