You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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