He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
