yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
