thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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