I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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