Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
