Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
