I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
