brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Randomize
