my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
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She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
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Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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