new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
