They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
