I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Let's get the cat blown out
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
