; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
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I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
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My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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