I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
