He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
