i need an iv and a liver transplant
love makes seman taste better
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
