I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just invented taco cereal.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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