Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize