just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I intend to get homeless drunk
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
