just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
