I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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