Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
