I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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