I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
