You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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