My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
