We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
