I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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