I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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