I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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