yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
