My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
