remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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