Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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