You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just want to make out with him forever
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
