I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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