I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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