Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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