how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
