Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
